#63 Confession time

a free mental health check-in post

Hello friend,

Thanks so much for subscribing, I appreciate you reading along; it helps keep me motivated, as writing can be lonely.

Sometimes, I feel like I am in a little self-isolation bubble, yabbering onto myself like a homeless schizophrenic. I forget that some people are reading along. So please feel free to say hi every once in a while.

Thanks to my friends who reached out after my last post to check in on my mental health; I am so grateful to you.

Sometimes, being stuck in your head can lead you down dark paths, but I tend to exorcise the negativity through my writing.

Nothing is wrong with feeling dark and depressed as long as you don't constantly stay there. I am grateful that I often don't dwell in negativity.

Besides moaning about extreme weather conditions and my adverse response to the climate, I try not to complain too much.

I've been mentally in a very strange place, seriously stuck in my head and struggling. I've been avoiding meeting people and socialising as I've felt overwhelmed.

I have been procrastinating big time, avoiding my writing like the plague, doom scrolling, feeling burnt out and unable to find motivation or desire to work.

I have found solace in going back and redrafting some things, and editing my poetry has been great as I can see it all slowly coming together in a poetry collection.

It’s changing from peach to apple season and I’m not mad about it at all.

Strangely, I crave writing whenever I am working (I usually work as an ESL tutor) or doing something beyond writing. I often steal minutes between commitments to scribble down pages of ideas, first drafts and notes.

Yet when I finally have more time, I methodically avoid writing. Why? I think it's a bit of self-sabotage mixed with imposter syndrome and a dash of fear. To be honest

I've been tired of the B.S. my mind puts me through and have seriously thought about giving up writing altogether. Our minds can be toxic sometimes, so we need to remember to push back against the negativity.

I realised now I tend to be melodramatic. I am Sicilian, after all. Whether I like it or not, I have big emotions and a bigger heart. My passions often overwhelm me; they make me unique and help me express myself.

I think I get like this every year at this time. When the calendar year winds up, I panic about not doing enough when I have already done more than enough.

So what do I do? I ride the wave, then when I crash down on the other side, I try to be gentle with myself, get back up on the next one and ride it the best I can. I am learning to negotiate each ocean tide as best I can daily.

I need to be less severe with myself. Creativity is difficult; it can be lonely, tiring and filled with little acknowledgement.

So I'll keep writing every day, editing my drafts, starting something new, getting more exercise, keeping myself hydrated, organising my time, learning new things, collaborating with others and concentrating more on self-care.

It'll be just fine. I hope you are doing well. Keep going and believing in yourself. I believe in you, too.

Don’t be too hard in yourself, you have already climbed so many mountains during the year, just keep going. We can keep moving together, ok?

I hate to be long-winded, so I will stop here for now.

I'll keep trying to write something here as often as I can.

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Cheers to you

Mille grazie

with love from Sicily

Rochelle

P.S For anyone new here this week, I'll take a moment to introduce myself again:

Hi, Rochelle Del Borrello here.

I am an Italian-Australian writer who lives in Sicily, Italy.

I work as an ESL teacher and mummy to a demanding young Italian teen.

Over the past decade, I have shared my perspective on daily life in Italy, blogging about my experiences as an expat living in a small Sicilian town.

My work has appeared in various blogs, online magazines and travel guides.

Every week, I'll send you something from Sicily, Italy, which may be a random piece of my mind or a thoughtful reflection, a pill from everyday life in the ancient heart of Italy, from my unique perspective as a writer and expat living on the island.

A Load off My Mind is also about exploring and sharing my other interests. A diary of about everything and maybe also nothing: I begin to talk about the weather, then explore my current mood and gradually lean into other things that come to mind. The newsletter is an experiment in stream-of-consciousness that explores my opinions and thoughts.

I know you are curious to hear all about it.

There is always a story to share.

Thanks,

Talk soon

your friend

rochelle