#151 Empaths and narcissists
Hello Friend,
I have a close relative who has always ignored me, and I never understood why.
Ever since childhood, I have tried to be a friend or at least friendly with her, only to be either completely ignored or overwhelmed.
At every family occasion, visit, or casual meeting, she never acknowledged me or has simply talked over me.
It's not like everyone needs to be my friend, but I always try to make an effort for my family. I never expected to be bosom buddies with her as we are of different ages and have very different interests and personalities. But a polite interaction every once in a while whenever we met isn’t out of the question. It would be acceptable to ask one another about their family, at least.
I always thought there was something wrong with the way I approached her or that I was being too perky or annoying to her.
It has been on my mind for years. I like to think I can converse well with most people I meet and know, but with this lady, I've never been able to. It’s always been so impossible. I feel as if there is this wall between us.
Every conversation seems one-sided. I ask about how she is, and then she talks about herself and never asks about me. So, I just gave up and assumed conversations with narcissists are hopeless.
A polite question about her, and she took that ball and ran without looking back at me or anyone else. It's always amazed me how someone could be so mindlessly ignorant of how social interactions work. I ask about you, and then you ask about me out of politeness or simple social courtesy. But every time I tried to start a conversation, she was already heading towards the finishing line of whatever race she was running by herself.
I always felt a little sad for the narcissists; they must be so lonely deep down. They believe in their delusion. Unfortunately, they will never be self-aware enough to see this in themselves or ever feel the desire to change their behaviour.
One day, though, I had an epiphany about the real reason this person appears to dislike me so much despite my attempts at being friendly.
Thanks to a random TED talk by a psychologist who shed some light on the nature of narcissists,
The talk said that the polar opposite of the narcissist is the empath. Not only are they completely different from one another, but an empath is a narcissist's mortal enemy.
An empath's natural ability to reflect others' true selves at themselves turns out to be a narcissist's kryptonite.
Holding up a mirror to a narcissist is too confrontational; they hate what they see.
Seeing their selves reflected to them through the empath's natural ability to see and focus on other people's identity is revolting for the narcissist.
Narcissists automatically hate empaths.
A narcissist's self-centred and delusional personality must be an ugly thing to see reflected back at themselves.
Can you guess who is an empath?
So if you find yourself in a similar situation with a work colleague or new acquaintance, there’s no need to feel guilty; it isn’t your fault.
Not all personality types blend so easily with one another.
You have no idea how relieved I was to understand the reason behind this aversion finally. For years, it felt like hearing nails running down a blackboard. I guess the uncomfortableness goes both ways. Empaths like harmony, and we are also sometimes prone to pleasing people, so avoiding situations like these is ok.
You aren’t meant to gel with everyone. And even if you are forced to be in a situation with these conflicting personality types, it’s easier to negotiate once you understand.
That’s all I have on my mind for now.
Thanks for reading along.
Stay well, be kind to everyone, including yourself, and we’ll speak again soon.
Rochelle
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